I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
