He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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