why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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