his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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