she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Pants are for mortals
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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