Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
