you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
