I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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