Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
