hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Randomize
