Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
