I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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