I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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