I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
