Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
