You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
