white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
True strength comes from lack of pants
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
