I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
