Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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