Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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