normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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