so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
