belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
