you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
