Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
