but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
