I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
