Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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