i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
