i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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