dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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