babies were throwing up all over the place
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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