She went from zero to smokin in five shots
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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