i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
