but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
