I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
