it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
