cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
