why didn't you poke me back
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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