i was born a porn star she said
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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