Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
