I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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