i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
We just shotgunned beers for America
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
