Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
