The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
