i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
