he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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