update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
