UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
