i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
