2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
