so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Can you bring me the toilet please
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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