better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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