I think I am morally bankrupt
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
