Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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