sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
