I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
